Posts Tagged ‘reflections’

Dear God

{ December 21, 2012 @ 9:21 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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As the end of the year approaches, I can’t help but look back in amazement and gratefulness as to where you have brought me.

I used to just go through the motions of Christmas; sure I am always grateful for Jesus’ birth and it’s not about the presents or the tree or the sales, but this year it is a very different feeling for me.

I thank You for wonderful friends who have stuck around despite the distance, the ones I know I can always count on, and also for new friendships forged in this year as I discover my way through young-adulthood.

I thank You for the job You have given me – the ability to earn an income, the opportunities that arose and the favour that You have so poured out. Please help me to be a good steward, and help me to never forget that it was Your blessing.

I thank You that I am home and I realised even with all its dramas, this is really where my heart is. Thank You also for seeing me through my transition back into church and for giving me the opportunity to serve in different ways – different as in variety and also in newness of skillsets being used. Help me to always remember the service is not about myself but to honour You and Your people whom You love so dearly. I am reminded about the Christmas message – everyone is a pearl. Help me to love unconditionally in my ministry like You do.

Most of all I thank You for bringing sweet meaning to my pain. There were quite a few hiccups along the way, yet there were also few special opportunities to use the pain for something good. I remember Gen 50:20 and keep it close. There are no words to explain or describe, but I thank You for where I am now.

I pray that 2013 will be one of new encounters, new adventures and new milestones, and that Your hand will guide me in every season of my life.

Amen.

Dedicated to Clara Ka Yin Lai :)

{ August 11, 2011 @ 7:45 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Last week I had a catch up with Clara, my first mentee. I am so blessed to see that she has come quite far in life, and in her walk with Christ..she has been through a fair share of ups and downs, and she’s now a working professional! By God’s miraculous provision, no doubt. She’s really matured and settled into working life well and sold out for God, even in her workplace. It’s very refreshing to see that she has blossomed into this beautiful lady, strong in her determination to be part of God’s plan.

It was a bit sad because by the end of the night we were not mentor-mentee anymore as she has moved to the working group and is being mentored by someone in her group. Sad only because Clara sort of symbolised my step into JG-ship and mentoring. I’m very glad though, that the almost 4 years have made us good friends in the process and we can be open and honest with each other 

Dear Clara, I pray that you will love God with all your heart, mind and soul and serve Him for your generation. May you be used in mighty ways to fulfil His purposes, for His glory! AMEN!

Loves you ,
Cassy

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In honour of daddy

{ June 20, 2011 @ 3:00 am } · { Uncategorized }
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This post is about 45 minutes late (Brunei time GMT+8:00), but what the hey. It’s dedicated to my one and only daddy, and all the bazillion other daddies in the world. You are important, and you make a difference!

What I love about my daddy/am thankful for:

  • His strength – emotionally and physically
  • His stability – in faith and emotions
  • His DIY can-do approach to a lot of things
  • His handyman-like nature
  • His hard shell exterior but soft gooey interior
  • His recent (3ish years?) displays of love and affection towards me [refer to abovementioned point]
  • His secret longing for grandkids (shown when we are out with family/friends with young kids, and also towards our dogs/puppies)
  • His old fashioned take to things, which is sometimes annoying but sometimes is really good insight
  • His lame jokes, which I think only I laugh to..or should I say at?
  • His sacrificial love, in action – not only expressed in words. Which includes,
  • Wanting the best for all his children – as much as he can give.
  • His watchful eye to let me make my own decisions and yet he catches me when I fall.

Daddy, I love you. You really are my hero. HEARTS!

[This is the first daddy’s day since 6 years that I’ve not had to cry when I think of daddy..though I was close to crying when I typed this post out]

Epiphany!

{ January 28, 2011 @ 12:55 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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You know when you start out in a relationship, there’s sort of like an “awkwardness” in the beginning as you get to know each other, then as it progresses, to the holding hands part – it’s awkward at first but after awhile it’s like your hands are molded for each other, and then there’s the full blown embrace. There are a lot of factors why that is so comforting to me even as I type it, but I would say an outstanding factor is trust.

I feel that my relationship with God thus far has been like that – a journey of knowing Him more and then building trust as I go. I was reflecting on my years here; it’s coming to 6 this 14Feb. I always wondered why if my last relationship wasn’t meant to be, why did God allow it to go on for so long. And then why from the beginning of 2009 did He start to profess His love for me and assure me, time and time again – throughout the year even. But now I can say with full confidence, and even start to see that He was building trust so that when I came to this point (referring to last year) I could fall into His arms without screaming and wailing (typical panic reaction).

When I think of love, I like to think of it as someone who makes my heart beat so fast even from afar; someone I am proud of, someone who makes me smile just because. It used to be him. But now I think God has redefined that fixation on a person to Him.

Now I really feel like typing that testimony to Jesus Culture I keep putting off 🙂

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.”

Psalms 28:7

Selah.

2010

{ January 5, 2011 @ 11:22 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Last year has been such a doozie for me..Starting out as a young working professional, officially weaned off home, stepping out into the unknown, and most of all I lost a great love. And I thought it would be “auspicious”..dunno, maybe coz it had a nice ring to it..2010 sounds very solid.

There are so many questions I could, and still am, asking but I don’t think I would like to know the answers to. Many of them begin with ‘Why’. There are also many thoughts swimming around my head, trying to reach a conclusion but deep in my heart I already know there IS a conclusion – I just don’t want to accept it.

I’m not denying what has happened in 2010, nor am I obliterating it from my memory. It has been an absolutely horrendous year, and I guess we all make mistakes which we can learn from. I’m done being angry, done being all emo and definitely done struggling. I believe very strongly that 2011 will pick up really quickly and will take me through many roller coaster ups and downs. One day I will look back without a tinge of hurt or pain, and I am looking forward to that day.

To you, what we had was nice and will be in my memories forever. I guess it really is very sad that it had to end the way it did. What I felt was very real and was 100% me. I recognise there are always choices to be made, and as you have chosen your own way to move on, so will I leave it be. I need to go on as well. Thank you for everything and I wish you all the best.

I couldn’t find the original version..this is an old song that came to mind a few months back:

 

You are Lord of life, love and other mysteries
I find in you all I ever need to know
Some say that life is a string of romances
To some it’s a series of choices and chances
While some only live for the curious dances
Of whatever music’s at hand
And some look for love in the eyes of a stranger
And some love the thrill of the edges of danger
But I have found joy in a world filled with anger
Cause I finally understand

(Chorus)
You are Lord of life, love and other mysteries
You know my future, You know my history
I find in you all I ever need to know
About life and love and other mysteries

I cannot reason with men in defiance
Or try to explain all the mysteries of science
‘Cause I’m just a child in the face of these giants
But I never face them alone
Because when it seems that my heart is surrounded
When all of our questions of life have been sounded
I rest in the hope where my faith has been grounded
I do not fear the unknown, ’cause

(Repeat Chorus)

Your wisdom confounds the wisest of wise
Your mercy is truth in a world full of lies
Your grace saves us all from a certain demise

by Point of Grace

love

{ September 16, 2010 @ 2:57 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Love is sacred.  Don’t give up on love just because perversions of love occur. ~ Me

He knows

{ September 9, 2010 @ 12:11 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Today at Campus Light, we held a prayer walk. We did it a bit differently today, though. We found a nice shady spot under a tree and started worshiping God with a few simple songs. And in the midst of praying and seeking God for what to pray for, I was reminded of the word ‘lilies’ in the Bible. I looked it up and I knew I was specifically looking up this passage. It is a passage I have heard many times and has been quoted lots of times especially in the area of provision. But what caught my eye this time was “your heavenly father knows that you need them”.  Last week was a terrible week for me because I was just getting so impatient and slightly angry over the state that I am in at the moment – jobless => broke => selective in job prospects => “not enough experience”. What a vicious cycle! I was chatting with my brother the other day and I just broke down, ready to throw the towel in. I had a ranting session with God (perhaps even a few) and basically told him, God you DO know that I need to support myself one day right, and I can’t just keep getting handouts from my parents? I mean, God, I’m sure you want me to get a job as well and use the skills I have been learning for the past 5 years in uni..I mean I can’t put those to waste for sure! And I just reached a brick wall. I felt such a heaviness last week and probably even the week before because of this dilemma in my heart.

On one hand, I wanted to have faith that God will provide and God is holding onto the best for me, or perhaps even that I haven’t learnt the lesson that God intends for me to learn in this season and so that is why He is just stretching it out a bit further so that I don’t just get so consumed by my job and forget about what He wants to do in me in this season. But on the other hand, I was just so frustrated that nothing was happening!

I can’t really pinpoint what was the breaking point for me. What made me come out of that “depression” if you’d like to call it that. But I’m glad I did. I was starting to really drown.

Anyway, the whole point was to remind myself that He knows, I mean God is GOD! How can He not know, and who am I to tell him? I guess I have nothing else to do but trust that He knows and He hears the cries of my heart.

T-R-U-S-T. Such a difficult word!

Beautiful

{ August 26, 2010 @ 11:40 am } · { Uncategorized }
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On my birthday, Mummy wrote me this message:

Beautiful, beautiful

Jesus is beautiful

Jesus makes beautiful things of my life

Gradually, touching me

Causing my eyes to see

Jesus makes beautiful things of my life

It’s a Sunday school song I grew up with, and that song made me cry (on my BIRTHDAY!) for some reason. I understand now why. The whole song is so relevant. I’m not sure if I posted this verse up before: “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” ~ 2 Corinthians 9:8

And yesterday at shepherding with Jasmine, I was reminded of this verse “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” ~ Romans 5:3-5

I’ve been tossing and turning over my past, and I know God keeps telling me to wait it out and to trust. Be still. And all this time I’ve been struggling just like how you tense up while getting an injection – OUCH. exactly.

Hence, resistance is futile. I’ve decided to just let it be and let God do what He needs to – I think the hardest part is to trust that He knows what He is doing and what He is doing is fulfilling HIS own purpose, not mine, or at least how I picture His purpose to be (which is an outcome I actually want – ok going in circles). God IS sovereign in the end, I need to keep reminding myself. And things will happen in due time. The truth is slowly unfolding, and I am removing myself from that truth. Which is the best for me anyway…don’t want to be involved in complications.

🙂

Love song

{ August 20, 2010 @ 3:47 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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How my soul longs for you,

To hear you speak and to feel your love,

For I have been hanging on a thread.

But I know that you are with me,

And you have called me for greater things,

You are my hope.

So I will put my trust in You,

My one true love,

Who heals and protects and guides me,

A love who never fails…

+1

{ June 5, 2010 @ 11:27 am } · { Uncategorized }
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Just an addition from last night:

Something else I’ve been thinking about is how God doesn’t want us to settle. Sometimes we think we’ve got it going and what we have is best for us but once we have those self-sufficient and we’ve got it going thoughts that God usually challenges us to give it up 😦 But that’s only coz he has something much better in store. 🙂

Another random: My joints are clicking everywhere 😦

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